In a tragic reminder of the fragility of life, Mo Gawdat lost his son Ali at the young age of 21 due to medical negligence during a routine appendix surgery in 2014. This cruel twist of fate shocked Gawdat to his very core. Yet, in the face of this unimaginable loss, he channeled his grief into a purpose, culminating in the creation of a book dedicated to finding happiness in his son’s memory.
For over two decades, Gawdat has delved into the science of happiness, approaching it with both logic and a philosophical lens. He utilized flow charts and formulas to dissect the roots of unhappiness, seeking a path through the complexities of modern life. It was during this quest for understanding that he stumbled upon a simple yet profound practice: the 90-second rule.
As he explained in a recent episode of the “High Performance” podcast, the rule is straightforward. When confronted with angering or stressful situations, one should allow themselves a brief window of 90 seconds to experience their feelings, after which they must choose to redirect their focus toward more constructive thoughts.
Gawdat cites research from Harvard-trained neuroscientist Jill Bolte Taylor, who discovered that harmful hormones like cortisol and adrenaline can dissipate from our system within just 90 seconds. However, it is crucial to recognize that we often extend our anxiety by ruminating on unpleasant experiences. By doing so, we re-trigger the stress response in our bodies, leading to a cycle of anguish. True empowerment lies in recognizing this pattern and breaking free from it.
Take the all-too-common scenario of being cut off while driving. It’s easy to succumb to frustration and lash out. Yet, this response accomplishes nothing. Instead, consider turning on your favorite tune and letting it lift your spirits. This shift in perspective embodies a personal accountability that is all too often lacking in today’s society.
To navigate life’s disappointments, Gawdat recommends three vital questions:
- Is it true?
- Can I do something about it?
- Can I accept it and move forward despite it?
He astutely points out that a significant portion of what weighs us down—perhaps as much as 90%—is simply not grounded in truth. His poignant observation that doubts and fears can easily distort our perception speaks to the need for clarity and resilience. If a response to the first question is negative, let it go. If it is affirmative, take proactive steps to address it. If there’s nothing to be done, then embrace the reality of your circumstances as part of life’s journey.
Forming new habits is undoubtedly challenging, particularly in emotionally charged moments. A study by psychology researcher Phillippa Lally revealed the variability of habit formation, showing it can take anywhere from 18 to 254 days, depending on individual circumstances. This underscores the importance of conscious effort and discipline in pursuing personal growth and happiness.
Ultimately, Gawdat’s insights lead to a profound truth: life is indifferent to our struggles. It bestows both trials and blessings, asking us to navigate the waters ourselves. Our reactions define our fate. Therefore, we must cultivate a mindset focused on realistic expectations and personal responsibility.
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